Visions and Dreams

So as I was going to sleep last night I did something I haven't done since I was a child I prayed for good dreams, I prayed that speak to me in my dreams. I can remember waking up this morning and wanting to immediately go back to my dreams. So I laid there and I thought about the dream I had. ...

But let me go back a ways like my middle school years, during these years I was very active in my youth group at what was at the time called Tree Of Life Church. I have some amazing memories from that youth group. Its the first time I can remember actually hearing God speak and seeing a vision that he put in my head. I remember being at a youth retreat and we were doing praise and worship which lasted late into the night, later than they had planned but God was there. I remember I had my eyes closed and hands raised giving him all my praise and reaching out to him. It was then I saw myself before a crowd speaking, I don't know what I was saying but for years I have thought about this. I pushed it away in my years that I went astray... but have always come back to it and thought what it meant. ...

So when I wake up this morning I remember my dream last night, and I was speaking to a group not small not large about 100 maybe. I just remember a few things from my dream the first being in the dream all I could think is we have to establish order,  I remember the youth being in white polo shirts and once we had them all seated and the group calm I began to share my story... The only part I got out was growing up in a Christian home and then I woke up...

God if you are speaking to me through this dream help me to understand what it is you are calling of me. I want to serve you with all I have I want you to use me and life to honor you. Amen

My Rant at 11:30 at night.

The devil knows exactly what to say and do, to steal my joy... Its the whispers you hear in your head "Miki your 32, its too late you'll never get married." "Who would want you?" "Look at all the baggage you bring" "some people just don't get it and your one of them." Then I find myself hurting and alone but I WILL not allow the devil to steal my joy, I have Christ by my side.. I have Christ in me and he has a plan for my life. A plan that exceeds my expectations, its HIS plan. His timing is the right timing. But I have to be honest its still difficult and recognize that the devil is really trying to attack me right now cause he see's he is under my feet because I have surrendered my all to Christ.

"Father Forgive them for they know not what they do"

What does it mean to love like Jesus?

Well we know that his love is Unconditional! The dictionary says that unconditional means with NO conditions or limitations and says guaranteed. So that means there is nothing I can do for him to love me more and there is nothing I can do for him to love me less. He just loves me! As Christians its our job to bring heaven to earth. Heaven is that of perfection so its our job to do our best to portray that during our visit here on earth. To do so we have to Love, not just love those that are easy to love, those that are close to us. But we have to love all. Not always easy. I can say that this is a place that God worked on my heart long before I ever knew. I cannot stand to see people hurting or lost or broken. My heart truly breaks for them, with them. I am thankful God blessed me with such a passion for people. It's really how I can do my job and not see the youth I see as the charge they enter with. But its also what brings me to the  Dzhokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev brothers. I understand the act of violence they portrayed is so hard to understand and unimaginable. However more so for Dzhokhar have I been brought to think about Christ's love and bringing heaven to earth. Dzhokhar was captured, hiding in a boat, alone, covered in blood and who knows what was going through his head, after the recent events. From the bombing to now loosing his brother and knowing the nation was on a manhunt for him. When he was captured, people in the streets cheering and joyfully praising that the suspect was captured. His own family calling him a loser... I cannot help but feel such sadness for him, that doesn't mean I don't feel sadness for the victims of his actions, of course I do. But they have the nation on their side and I pray for healing for them. For comfort and peace. But for this young man, only 19 years of age. God still loves him. Jesus died on the cross for his sins. When Jesus died on the cross for his sins, for our sins and he was beaten horrifically he cried out "Father forgive them for they know not what they do" and maybe just maybe, was he not only speaking of those who crucified him but for us, forgive us and forgive Dzhokhar of his sins. I pray that he finds peace in the arms of our father, I pray that he finds the love of Jesus and that accepts forgiveness that Christ died on the cross for. There is nothing here on earth that can separate us from the Love of Jesus.

Father God I pray for our nation, we need you. Let your love pour out among all of your children. Your word says that you draw near to the brokenhearted and I know your presence is on earth each and everyday. Let us be more like you, let us love and live like you. Father let us bring heaven to earth. I thank you for giving your life for our sins and thank you for your unconditional love. That despite all the bad choices I have made you love me the same. I thank you for all you do. Amen

Pushing God Away

If you know anything about me and my story you know that I am so far from perfect, I lived a life that for a long time had me carrying so much shame. What it all really goes back to was I was always searching to fill a void and so many times in my life God would be right there and saying,  Its me you need, I can fill that void, I have what you need and yet I pushed him away and tried filling that void with sex, drugs, alcohol and everything the world had to offer me. As a girl I know once said "I bought what the world was selling" but I always ended up feeling empty.  You see when I was a little girl I can remember one Halloween, Harvest party I was a bride. Just like all the other little girls I desired that fairy tale. As I grew into a teen I was insecure and wanted to be loved. I sought out to feel beautiful and loved. I looked in all the wrong places and found myself more alone than ever. My body in my early twenties was far from a temple for Christ, I was abused by others and I abused myself. But through most of my teens and twenties I knew I needed God to be a part of my life I just hadn't realized he had to BE MY LIFE, it wasn't about giving him pieces of me.. which usually wound up being the broken pieces. But even though I pushed him away he pursued me. He loved me. He remained faithful to me. So today I was in the bookstore and I was looking for a book, every time I picked up a devotional or a book all I could hear in my head was "Miki you don't need any more books, you have the best book of all, everything you need is in that." I ignored it for quite some time. Hello here is God talking to me and I was pushing him away. Then I went to "singles" section and their were all these books on Christian living and finding a Godly man and what are you doing wrong... but then again I hear "You have the only book you need and you need no book to tell you what you need "find" your husband, You weren't ready." So why aren't we willing to listen to God when he speaks? We push him away. We always want answers but when he answers are we willing to listen.? You see I found every reason in the world to push God and what he said to the side for so many years. Not anymore, I am done. He has everything I need and he has all of me.
I Need You to Love Me : Barlow Girl
Why, why are You still here with me
Didn't You see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You

[Chorus:]
But I need You to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me

I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me
'Cause You're a God who has all things
And still You want me

Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been

Peace in Worship

I find great peace in worship and often when I have so much on my mind I turn to worship and it allows me to let go. I have listened to this song time after time tonight. I think when she wrote this song she got it right. In the closing hours of this day that was filled with a tragedy that has left our nation heartbroken and feeling a little defeated. I know that we are not defeated.  You draw close to the brokenhearted. May those who are broken tonight and feeling lost seek you, may they feel your peace and find joy in the days to follow when it seems difficult. May they see your light shine over a dark tragedy. I pray for healing for our nation father God, and I pray that we bring heaven to earth.  Now I sit in peace and listen to the rain, and seek to hear your voice. I thank you for being a faithful father.

Blessings By Laura Story
We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise
http://youtu.be/XQan9L3yXjc

My Sunday prayer

The more I draw near to god the more clear I see what he wants from me. My prayer these lat couple of days has been use me, USE ME. I am on fire for God now more than ever and I don't want to loose this feeling. I want to live the life God has planned for me. I always searched to fill an empty void with alcohol, drugs and men. I have desired to find love but didn't want a man of God because of my belief that they are "boring" but I now cannot even think of having a man who is not on fire for god who desires to live for God, to serve him. But first God I still working on me, when the time is right he will let me know, that door will open. So my prayers right now, God help me to get through school, let me draw close to you, that God use me fully, he uses my mess to make it a message and that my daughters feel and see Gods love that they are a display I his love, and I pray for my future husband, that although I am clueless who he is that God knows exactly who he is. Pray for my kids/teens at work at the juvenile center, they have my heart and God I know you are near them because the bible says you draw near to the broken hearted and I thank you, thank you God for all you do, I am so blessed, all my needs are met, you provide. You keep me and my girls safe. Thank you for dying on he cross for my sins. Thank you because although I am not perfect I am perfect in his image.

Just whats in my heart and on my mind

So this time of year really begins to bring me down, I am tired of the gloomy, wet, cold days and I desire to have warm weather sunshine, birds singing, flowers blooming, blue skies and green grass. So I begin to think I have to move, I need outta here. Michigan is not for me and then I ever so quietly hear "But Miki how can you do what I have planned for you, if you move away from the place I put your heart?" So I go back and forth with God knowing he is right because there is such a strong passion in my heart for the youth of Benton Harbor, or as I put it "My kids". I love those kids. God placed that passion and desire in my heart and I have not the slightest clue as to what he has planned. So if you listen quietly you will still hear the birds sing, you will see beauty in pain and what seems dark will shine ever so bright, why? Because I am there, I am in all things. So Dear God help me to see you today, in all things. Help me to move past my selfish desires and let me always remember You first. Amen

Cry Out

When I share my life and my story or share whats on my heart the one thing I always want to be is real, because its through me being real in all my feelings that one might find themselves not alone. So being a single mother has it's struggles and I try real hard to do my best and I know my best without God would never cut it. So in my attempt to be real and raw, I must share that I had a very difficult time sleeping, I am so stressed and felt like I had an elephant on my chest. I literally feel heavy and the rain outside goes perfectly with my mood. 

While Tears stream down my face. I cry out, Lord why must it be this way?  I cannot keep up with my home chores, I cannot pay all my bills, Im trying to go to school and work and there is not enough hours in the day, I miss my girls because my time is cut short by school and work. When we are together its GO, GO, GO. God I need you. Please draw near to me. Through my tears, my anxiousness show me your mercy, grace, love and peace.

This video came to my head and I want to share:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=loFBGdeXGtg

HOLY Holy Holy

So as I awoke this morning I didn't see the sun shining ever so bright through my blinds I was kinda cold feeling and began to feel UGH, ya know that feeling!! So I went on to facebook from bed expecting to find what, I am not sure.. went on to twitter saw nothing that just made my heart jump up for joy or made me feel ready to get up. I did then think to myself why do I go there to look to be motivated... really... so I turned on my spoitfy worship station and I kept hearing songs in a row that said Holy, Holy, Holy or You are Holy and so I wanted to know what exactly when I say Holy am I saying. I mean I know I am saying it to praise him but what does it mean? To say something is Holy you say its SACRED. So what exactly does the dictionary say about something being sacred it says its worthy of worship. Our God is Holy is worthy of our worship and our praise on our good days and bad, when we don't feel like getting out of bed he is HOLY, He remains Holy. Which makes sense why the song Hosanna by Hillsong once played was stuck in my head and I had to play it over and over because the word Hosanna means a shout of praise, a cry of praise to God.
  So Dear God, Holy Father even on the days that I don't feel like getting out of bed, when I am feeling the weight of the World weigh me down, let me praise your name because only you know the true weight of the world, for you held that weight upon your back. I thank you for all that you do and all that your doing in my life and in the lives around me. Continue to move amongst us, let your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Amen

Lyrics to Hosanna By Hillsong
[Verse 1]
I see the King of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakes
I see His love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing, the people sing

[Chorus]
Hosanna, Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest (x2)

[Verse 2]
I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, with selfless faith
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees

[Chorus]
Hosanna Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest
Hosanna Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest
[Bridge]
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

[Chorus]
Hosanna, Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest
Hosanna Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest

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Wisdom

Father God I just pray that I I seek your name and your word and that you use me to share your word, Father I pray that you lead me in the direction you want me to go and that I follow your lead. Lead me, use me, allow the words that come from my mouth and the message that comes from my heart be that of you. In Jesus name we pray Amen.

So over the last couple months I have been giving my all to God and yesterday I continued to find myself through out the day to give me wisdom. I need wisdom in some life choices and the things that are going on in my life. I recognize that if I seek to be wise without seeking it from Christ and when he speaks if I don't listen. I am seeking for what I want and not the wisdom God has to give me. So I must first share with you that I woke up this morning and before I get out of bed often I read my devotionals that are apps on my phone and this morning my Joyce Meyer devotional was on Proverbs 31:16 she considers a (new) field before she buys or accepts it [expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties]; with her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard.  Joyce Meyer goes to talk about how she is an aggressive person that wants to be involved in everything but has learned that you just cannot be involved in everything. She talks about how much better things would be if we took time to think about what we are doing and we thought about it. She ends in prayer "Lord, I ask You to give me wisdom as to what I give my time and attention. Help me to be busy with the right things and to give my best to those things, Amen"

If your not sure how to hear talk it is my belief that he speaks to us in many ways and that fact that I was asking God yesterday for wisdom and then I wake up today and my devotional is about wisdom. So it leads me to my bible and I see what the Bible has to say about wisdom. The first verse in the bible that talk about wisdom is in Genesis 3:6 and Eve wanted wisdom and she for one was disobedient to God and the wisdom that he gave her about not eating from the tree. Eve wanted wisdom so she sought out to find wisdom on her own and she ate from the tree and well the rest is history right. Genesis 3:6 The Woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too.
 If we go to read what the Bible says about having wisdom in
 Proverbs 2:6 For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth comes knowledge and understanding.
Proverbs 3:13 Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding.
Proverbs 8:11-12 For wisdom is far more valuable than rubies. Nothing you desire can compare with it. "I Wisdom, live together with good judgment. I know where to discover knowledge and discernment.
Ecclesiastes 10:10 Using a dull ax requires great strength, so sharpen the blade. That's the value of wisdom it helps you succeed.
The last verse really speaks to me because the beginning part talking about how much more difficult it is to use a dull ax, when we try to do in on our own and when we don't rely on the understanding that Christ has laid out in the bible, when we don't listen to what he has said. The verse says so SHARPEN your blade, draw near to him, through prayer and worship and study his word, surround yourself with people who have the same desires of you.  That is where you will find wisdom and when you find wisdom you succeed. You know what it is God wants you to do and what he wants from you.

 So Dear God, Give me the wisdom to be quiet and listen. Guide me in your book of life. I desire the wisdom that you offer I desire to be wise in the choices that I make that they will glorify your name, Amen.