How are you praying?

So this summer at the end will mark two complete years since I made the decision to leave my ex, after 4 years of being very unhappy. The problem was that when I was in the relationship I desired to have a "family" and a "marriage" because that was what your suppose to have in your 30's right?! The problem was that if I stayed for those things I was giving up my happiness, I was willing to leave the things that I valued for a relationship that just wasn't healthy. So many nights I went to bed next to someone and I was so alone. I had been in a relationship yet done everything by myself. I was with someone who didn't value family the way I did, did not have a relationship with Christ and wasn't even sure about if he believed in God or not. I became very unhappy, I was crying more than laughing, I dreamed of coming home to house where there was peace I desired to be alone, yet I wanted to have that "family" and there was a part of me that made it hard to leave I had spent 4 years with this person. So at first I began to pray "God, fix him." But I wasn't seeing a change in him, infact I began to see him become more aggressive and mean with his words. I had been in a very abusive relationship once, it was so bad that I fear for my life and I did not want to be in that place again. So I knew I needed to change the way that I was praying. Instead of praying "God, fix him" I began to pray, "God, let your will be done and if I am suppose to be with him then you will work in this relationship and you will work in me and him, and if I am not then you will work on my heart. You will make it unattached and easy to leave and I will find peace in the decision." When I first began to pray this way I was really praying for the first part and saying the second part but then I just began to give it all to him. I just wanted to find peace and happiness. I did decided to leave and it was easy, I found peace in leaving and things just worked out perfectly. God had a better plan that I had and he had been answering my prayers all along. Now although I had peace, I know that my ex did not as stalking followed and many irrational behaviors, but through it all, GOD remained faithful. He protected me. He provides for me.

 Sure I still desire that family and to find my husband, and its not always easy and at times I get frustrated with God but I do know that he has a plan. I trust his plan, I am just being impatient. At times like now I don't know how I am going to feed my kids or myself but he always provides. I am worn out but he gives me strength. I am alone (not in a relationship with a man) but I am not lonely. WHen we pray do we just pray for God to do this or that or do we pray that his will be done and that he work in us to have the understanding, guidance and patience? HIS plan is so much greater than anything we can imagine. I know I want what he has planned for me because its far better than what my mind can think up.

God are you there?

Where is God? Can you see him? can you hear him? Can you feel him?

If I cry out to God "where are you?" "I can't hear you" then it's not God, because he is there, he is always there. We also know that scripture says that he draws near to the broken hearted. Those in need and alone I think are often broken hearted. 

Psalm 34:18

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁸ The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

So he is there when we are hurting. Scripture also tells us that he will never leave us.

Deuteronomy 31:6

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for theLord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

So when we call out to God "where are you?" He is there, what are we doing to listen? Are we seeking to hear him speak? Are we living in his image so others may see him and who he is? 

I know that Go speaks to me in so many ways, through scripture and song, worship and praise, I see God when I watch TV. The more I seek him the more I find him. God is speaking to you, he answers your prayers, are you listening, are you accepting o the answer he I giving to you. God I pray that you pour out among your people. I pray that you use me, let my life be used to honor you. I can't et enough of you. I pray that I see you in everything, I respond to everything in a way that honors you. Thank you God for always being present, for never leaving my side, for the promise that I don't have to do this alone.

I am so Overwhelmed..

Today I must say that I am so overwhelmed by joy that I have been crying tears here and there. The last couple of months has not been easy, I spent many nights praying for strength from God and that he would help me push through. I honestly don't know how to answer how I have done except through him and through servant of his that I call my MOM. My mom said it was a dream, dedication and the holy spirit that got me through this semester and she was right. A dream that God placed in my heart a vision that he gave to me. I was a high school drop out, I was a mother with no husband, I was abused by men in my life physically, emotionally and sexually. But God still wants to use me and I just find that amazing. It truly is unconditional love. I still have a long journey ahead but I can do this, He guides my every step and supplies all my needs and loves me. I am overwhelmed by my GOD!