If you know anything about me and my story you know that I am so far from perfect, I lived a life that for a long time had me carrying so much shame. What it all really goes back to was I was always searching to fill a void and so many times in my life God would be right there and saying, Its me you need, I can fill that void, I have what you need and yet I pushed him away and tried filling that void with sex, drugs, alcohol and everything the world had to offer me. As a girl I know once said "I bought what the world was selling" but I always ended up feeling empty. You see when I was a little girl I can remember one Halloween, Harvest party I was a bride. Just like all the other little girls I desired that fairy tale. As I grew into a teen I was insecure and wanted to be loved. I sought out to feel beautiful and loved. I looked in all the wrong places and found myself more alone than ever. My body in my early twenties was far from a temple for Christ, I was abused by others and I abused myself. But through most of my teens and twenties I knew I needed God to be a part of my life I just hadn't realized he had to BE MY LIFE, it wasn't about giving him pieces of me.. which usually wound up being the broken pieces. But even though I pushed him away he pursued me. He loved me. He remained faithful to me. So today I was in the bookstore and I was looking for a book, every time I picked up a devotional or a book all I could hear in my head was "Miki you don't need any more books, you have the best book of all, everything you need is in that." I ignored it for quite some time. Hello here is God talking to me and I was pushing him away. Then I went to "singles" section and their were all these books on Christian living and finding a Godly man and what are you doing wrong... but then again I hear "You have the only book you need and you need no book to tell you what you need "find" your husband, You weren't ready." So why aren't we willing to listen to God when he speaks? We push him away. We always want answers but when he answers are we willing to listen.? You see I found every reason in the world to push God and what he said to the side for so many years. Not anymore, I am done. He has everything I need and he has all of me.
I Need You to Love Me : Barlow Girl
Why, why are You still here with me
Didn't You see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You
[Chorus:]
But I need You to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me
I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me
'Cause You're a God who has all things
And still You want me
Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been
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