Just when I thought things couldn't get worse....

Being a single parent means living paycheck to paycheck. So you balance out your bills. Well I somehow thought my water was due on Friday... Perfect I get paid on Friday 160. But when I go to wash my hands water off and now thy want me to add 50 to have it turned on. I have no money sitting anywhere I live paycheck to paycheck and I now have no gas, no water and no cable ( which I could care less about the cable except I can't do school work). Thi has never happened to me. Hod the more I seek you and draw closer the more te devil attacks me. I woke up and said I am praying first and doing my devotional and that makes the devil angry. He wants to bring me down. THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!  My God is stronger, my God is my Rock, he will provide all my needs, he is my healer!

Did I really think that?

I can't believe that thought just ran through my head. I just got out of the hospital for a ruptured cyst on my ovary and was told I didn't get the new job Director of Young Life benton harbor and this was like a dream job. Serving "my kids" hours where I can see my girls more I can invest more into serving at church. How could this not be Gods plan for me? Then my phone rings from someone I have not spoken to in a long time. How did he get my number? It was my daughters father. He spoke to me in such a demeaning way, he put anxiety and fear over me and I was allowing this. I can't have heat until I can pay my gas bill, my cable is currently shut off because I can not afford it and therefor school work is not getting done and it just all added up. Then there it was the thought "I just wish I were dead".

I felt my world collapsing around me and yet I felt God really using me so much at this time in my life and I was on fire serve him and know him more. That feeling of I cannot get enough!!! Then all this. Why God? Then it dawned and me and although I didn't believe it in the moment I said I choose joy. The devil will not steal my joy. Our thoughts and words are so powerful so I wanted to speak pleasing things to God and let the devil know I know he is trying to destroy me and I will or allow it. My heart is taken and I was paid for with a price. But that doesn't mean it's easy. The devil comes to kill steal and destroy. Rest assure I am jot suicidal and I love life but in the moment everything seemed much and too much to handle but God quickly made his voice heard and reminded me that I don't have anything to fear and worry.