WHAT IF????

You know a couple months ago when I left my old job.... I thought I was leaving for other reasons, like the way people treated me (my boss), the way I felt. But now just this week I have noticed something.... it is for the way I treat others. God had a plan, somthing I definantly was clueless about. I have never been the kind of person to treat people bad but did I ever take those extra steps, make the extra initiative to be extra kind, caring and compassionate. Sure to my friends and family, but not to stragers. You see I work at a hotel in Niles and we have lots of people who are less fortunante stop by...for coffee, to use the bathroom, or they ask to look for cans in the dumpsters. I have begun looking at them in their eyes and its quite amazing how much you will see when you look at people in the eyes. You can somtimes see joy, when you think they must be broken, somtimes you see that they are carrying much hurt, sadness, brokeness, and even at times anger. WHAT IF.... when we came across someone all we could see was their eyes, not the way they are dressed, or if their hair is combed, or face cleanly shaven.... Would you see people for who they are? Would we have a closer perception to where they have been? Its what I have seen over the last couple weeks. Since I am work that is not too much that I can do but I can ask them how there day is, show them kindness, offer them a warm cup of coffee and soon I can tell them about GCC's niles campus...YEAH!! A warm place to go, a safe place to go, where they matter. I beleive Niles campus will be extraordinary... the same yet different. I am ready to help pull my part. I am ready to help put the glow in someones eyes, the sparkle because they find they matter. So WHAT IF, just what if you look straight into someones eyes?

A broken heart...

No I dont have a broken heart...or I do but it has been mended. This morning one of our guests called up to the front desk. She wanted some juice but it was a little past ten and it would take her a couple minutes to get here. So I told her I would leave the juice out. The older woman makes it to the lobby and is completly out of breath, using the counter top to hold herself up. She pours two glasses of juice and two cups of coffee... I am guessing so that she doesnt have to make the trip down here again. So I ask her if I can carry the tray back to her room. Are we suppose to No, but I honestly was afraid this woman may have a heart attack. So as we are walking back to her room she says "Family sure can cause alot of pain." and thats it...nothing else. So not only is she having "real" heart problems, which she told me about in the lobby. This also being the reason she wanted no houskeeping service in fear of what would happen if a houskeeper were to take any of her many heart medications. She is obviously broken hearted, I am not sure what kind of issues she is having at home, and why she says family can cause alot of pain, but I do know she is hurting. All I can do is pray, the little acts of kindness can seem so big when we feel such despair. Its the little things that count... so I have been sitting here with my salt packet for a long time ...waiting to dump it out. I was waiting until I did something BIG.... big for who??? for me??? Failing to recognize the small things,or what I thought was small may have been something HUGE for the other person. The little things count. So today I am dumping out my salt packet...and although it is empty I have so much left to give.

Reflecting on the past can be good!

So I was reading through old blogs on "my" myspace and I ran across this one.....


Friday, February 22, 2008

wearing a mask ehhh....

So you know I have realized that it is somthing spread amongst women and men all over. I know that it is the truth for women and so I am guessing that it is for men as well. Why is it, in todays culture we feel the need to be soo strong and to appear at all times that we have it all together. We wear these masks, well I took mine off a while back now because to be honest it SUCKED! So I am not sure how you feel if you are a man but I can say to woman is that you try to pretend that being a mommy is pure bliss.... it is hard at times becuase you miss being you and being able to just pick and go whenever and whereever you want. Sure these little stinkers are better than anything and you wouldnt change it but it is hard. Why are so many mothers afraid to admit it?? Because they feel that they then will be looked at as if they failed. No your not failing that is motherhood, it is not easy. Or how about relationships??? Are you trying to act like your relationship or marriage is just WONDERFUL but at times you fear your spouse is cheating, or you dont feel like he wants to spend enough time with you??? Is married life just not as exciting as you thought but you sure want everyone else to think that you couldnt be happier??? Look the truth is admitting that this is the case in ANY situation in your life is not failure, it's failing when you fail to admit the truth and are hiding behind the HAPPY face. This is real life this what everyone expieriences in some part of their life. So wouldnt it be easier to just say whats really going on and find out that you are not alone and then talk with people who are in the same situation. I am far from being perfect and having it together, I go to bed many nights crying. But I for one, know that I am not alone because I hear from real people who are going through the same things. After I have said "HEY, this is whats going on" I found that so many people are in the same place. I now have a support system and I have God. It is getting eaiser because I am not doing it alone. I encourage you to take off your mask.... to not care what people think and you will be amazed at the support you
find. You dont have to be alone!!


- I have been living a raw me and I am finding that it works, its so much easier, no hiding and being open. So when I re-read this post I was proud of myself and where I am at. Sure "life" is still life but being me, unedited, raw, just the way God made me...has made a world of a difference.

The lady with no shoes!

Today as I am sitting at work.... a lady, older lady comes in asks for a cup of coffee, I tell her sure. But you see she wasnt just any lady, she was alone, broken and I am sure scared. She pushed a shopping cart here, she had duck tape on her face and looks as if she had trail marks on her arms, along with a rubber band. This is a sign of heroin use. So she took her cup of coffee and stood outside to drink it. I had to go out to see if there was something I could do. However she did not want to talk and walked away. (I think this is normal, she is hurt, alone and I am sure very scared) As she was walking away I look back and she is now at the end of the driveway and I realize she doesnt even have any shoes. Gosh I wanted to give her my tennis shoes sooo bad but then I feared what my boss would say when he comes back and I am working in socks. I am praying that she comes back by for coffee tomorrow...cause I am bringing some extra tennis shoes and they belong to her. My heart is just broken and I am sitting at work in tears, almost uncontainable. Please pray for lady without shoes. Becuase having no shoes is just the least of her problems. This is someone who God created, he placed every hair on her head decided the color of her eyes and she is lost. She needs to be loved, our God wants us to give her his love.

This story came to my head so I looked it up and had to add it.

Matthew 34-41
“Then the King will say to those on His right, ‘Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 35 ‘For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; 36 naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’ 37 “Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? 38 ‘And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? 39 ‘When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 “The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’

Bitter Sweet

Yesterday I had the opportunity to go to a friends wedding and watch as they take vows to love and cherish and honor one another, and to grow closer together and closer to God. It was a beautiful wedding, Krista looked beautiful. The wedding was like none other that I have ever been to and it was really cool. Her father gave a "charge". If you are like me you may not know what that is all about, and well I didnt but I learned. You see Krista's parents instilled in her the importance of waiting until you are married and when she was younger she made that vow to her father and she kept a promise ring. During the charge her father spoke of Krista, his love for her, and how she made that commitment and vow to herself, her faher and to God. She kept that commitment and so during the charge he spoke of her commitment took her promise ring back and it was then given to her soon to be husband. He had some words of wisdom for the couple. It was really a beautiful thing...but then I began to think about my daughters and the day that they get married... who will walk them down the isle..who will give them away, and what about the father daughter dance....???? I just dont know?!

A mothers heart....

Being a mother is one of the most rewarding jobs, and while at times it can be really fun at other times it can be really tough. I think I have shared this before but I have been thinking about it alot and so I wanted to share it again. I remember one day when McKenzie was in the bathroom with me while I was putting on my makeup and she was watching me so carefully and then she left and came back about two minutes later. With her she had a little bag with her makeup and she began to stand there with me to put her makeup on. I remember thinking "how cute". I then remember her saying "mommy I am going to be just like you when I grow up." I thought awwww... then just moments later I started thinking, wait...what part of me, and what does she see when she looks at me. I mean I put on my makeup faithfully because I hate who I am without it, I am not comfortable and I feel ugly, many nights I go to bed in tears because of the pain I have endured throughout my past. Or does she see the part of me that has to have everthing in its place at home, with freshly vaccumed floors daily??? and so I remember thinking about all of this and knowing what I wanted her to see and to learn, that she is beautiful just the way she is, that she is not alone, that nothing she does could make me love her less, and that she is perfect in my eyes.
Is the way that we are living telling those around us that we must strive to be perfect, and that beauty is what we make of ourselfs after lots of makeup and time in front of the mirror???? I am a mother, a sister, a friend a daughter and a Christian and I want those surrounding me to know that God loves me for me, he thinks I am beautiful, I am perfect in his eyes and nothing I have ever done or could do could make him love me any less!!! So I must start living this way, because I know it's true, I need to live the way I beleive. I dont want to set false standards or ideas because of the way I live my life.

Inspi(red)....Give Back.... Light up the world....Pay it forward...

what ever it may be it is about working towards the same thing helping others know they matter, loving each and every breathing life. I sit and watch Extreme home makeover and it brings me tears of sadness followed by joy, then Oprah's the Bg give and tonight I watch American Idols Give Back. I see something amazing going on and wonder how can I give back, give back, pay it forward, light up the world??? I was really wanting to go to India and I did the whole application thing and am extremely excited but I feel as if I am beging tugged on to do something else. I dont need to fly across the county and I dont need to be a hometown hero, but I do need to keep lighting up the lives of those around me, my friends, my family and at work. I live just about 20 minutes away from Benton Harbor Michigan.. a town in Southwestern Michigan where the average household income is 17,900.... a town that is poverty stricken.... a communtity close by that needs all the help they can get. A community full of people who need to know THEY MATTER, THEY CAN DO IT, THEY WILL MAKE IT, DREAM BIG, and it doesnt matter where you have been what you have done...its not to late!!!! A community that just 5 years ago was heavily equipped with city, county and state police who traveled through the community in armored vehicles... while children road their bikes down neighborhoods filled with gunshots. Now a community sits, many feeling lonely, broken, and hopeless....it needs people who care, who love who want to help rebuild a community. There is something there that I need to do, I am not sure what but God will lead me. So I think may make the choice to sit this one out.. this trip to India.
Now this was awesome.... as I was typing this I had to stop because I hear Ryan Seacrest say now our finalists with Shout to the Lord....... What a wonderful song, what a great prayer, what a great worship song... I was so WOW'ED (I know thats not a word) that they sang it. In case you dont know the song....

Music to my ears

Its funny how I will be working or at home or driving down the road and odl songs pop in my head... I love music cause i takes me back to times in my life, it's how I worship, its when I hear God loud and clear. However there is one song that comes into my head all the time. Its an older one.....

This is my desire, to honor you.
Lord with all my heart I worship you.
Lord I give you my heart I give you my soul.
I live for you alone, every breath that I take,
every moment I'm awake, Lord have your way in me.

That song is really my life prayer.... I love that song it is how I want to live my life, all for him. It is surrender.... giving every piece, not just choosing which parts of life but every bit of it.