2013 coming to a close

Usually as the year comes to an end I like to reflect on how it has been what has changed what I want to change and what is to come for the next year. I am not one for New Years Resolutions as I think I may have stuck to them for maybe the first three days.

 2013 Wow where to start... Well I started off the year by bringing in the new year with my daughters, My sisters, my brother in law, my nephews and my parents here at my house and I even let them throw confetti in my house... which I still found some this summer. But I also made the decision to go to Overflow church.  I happened to see their bus at IHOP at like 2:30 in the morning and after a much disappointing night out that I remember sitting in Czars (after leaving south bend because it had nothing that was bringing me what ever it was I was looking for) and so I was at Czars and I can remember thinking this is not fun, Im not getting fulfilled. So after we went to eat at IHOP and there was a large group inside and I was drawn to them but more so to their bus with the OVERFLOW logo and so the first weekend after the new year I went to Overflow. I from the beginning felt at home and they were talking about doing a fast and I was thinking I am in. I went home and I called my sister and I told her all about this church and about the fast and she wanted to visit with me and she and I didn't even wait till that Monday to do the fast we started that day and I fasted from social media. I realized a lot about myself and I heard God clearly. I now call Overflow home. I am helping with the youth group and I LOVE IT, in fact it is giving me peace with leaving the juvenile center...

        Yes you heard me right, leaving the juvenile center. I have stayed because I for one need a job and a good income to provide for my family but the hours are hard for my family I work 2:30-10:30 and I am single mother but my daughters need me in their lives. But I couldn't leave my kids (juvi kids) these kids have such a stronghold on my heart. It was since working there I realized my passion for youth and felt a calling to the Benton Harbor area. So I am looking for a new job and think that the transition will happen this summer. This is of course if this is Gods plan but I am feeling confident in this. God has more for me to do. So please keep me in your prayers that the right position comes along. I have a strong desire to be a foster mother when I have a job with better hours maybe adopt. Benton Harbor is the city God has called me to and is where my heart is and as much as I would love to move south where its warm... I hear that little whisper "I have you here for a reason".

School, Ugh well it has not been easy and I have had to look at some things let them go and say I am going to keep pressing on. I am moving forward and I will continue.

My girls- Kyleigh decided to take on motocross this year. She had a blast and I had a blast watching her. She is such my spunky child with a huge imagination. She loves superheros and she really doesn't care what people think... spiderman backpack and she doesn't care what people say. She always tells me how much she loves me and still climbs in my bed everynight. She is doing great in school and she likes it this year which makes this mommy happy. Time flies and she is growing fast and I love her too much.
McKenzie well well, she is that girl that everyone loves and likes. She is kind and caring. She is good at everything she does. School not a problem. Gymanstics she was level 5 state champion and she lives, breathes gymnastics. She is so responsible and helpful with things I am very lucky to have her and be blessed with a daughter who has a good head on her shoulders. Sometimes she thinks she is older than she is but we keep her level. She is my mini me and I love her to the moon and back.

As for my love life well I love my God who is faithful and always there for me. I love my daughters and my family and friends and I love ALL my kids (juvi center) and I love my OSM family. I have been so blessed this year. I am still praying for my husband and hoping God thinks its time we meet. 2013 has been great but 2014 will be better. I wish the best to you all and I pray blessing upon you. Thank You God for yet another beautiful year and keeping us safe.

Isaiah 61 on my heart

The Year of the Lord’s Favor

61 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives    and release from darkness for the prisoners,^[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
³     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.

 

I know that I have read this in the bible before but it wasn't until a few weeks ago when I read it that it really weighed so heavy upon  my heart. I mean I could not read it without sobbing because I heard God speaking this to me.

So when I came across this verse which is so powerful to me. I started working at the juvenile center 5 years ago and really I just needed a job. I was going into social work and it seemed right. NEVER did I imagine I would fall in love with my job and grow such a strong passion for the youth that I serve. Never did I imagine the heartache and heartbreak I would feel for these "inmates". I just wanted them to know that someone cared I wanted to be a vision of Christ's love to them. 5 years later and 100's of kids later I have hundreds of kids who I am confident is knowing that they know that I care about them and they know I don't judge them for what they have done and that's because of my personal belief in God because of all the things I have done he still loves me and forgives me and it allows me to see them without judgment. I still cannot fully tell you how important this message in the Bible means to me. Except that it still brings me to tears when I read it. He has sent me to  preach the good news and to show Christ's love to the brokenhearted so that they may begin to heal. I make this my prayer and I pray that God use me to the fullest capacity that he can that I am not content with just mediocre. I want to do more its a burning desire in my heart to do more. Let me be obedient in what you ask of me father God and help me to hear you more clearly and do as you ask of me. Amen

Beauty for Ashes

So I saw this vision in my head of a night out for high school females and young adult females. I saw where they would be served dinner, they would get to socialize and network, they would hear some personal stories from women whose lives have been transformed. They would spend time together in worship and be blessed with some musical talent. They would leave feeling refreshed, filled and realize that they matter and know that they are beautiful. As I thought more and more about it I just kept seeing the word BEAUTY for about a week. then after about a week I heard a song Beauty for Ashes and I knew this is what I wanted I wanted this event to be called. I have no idea when this will happen however I want it to be done right and I want it truly to be an evening that young ladies are blessed. So slowly it's all coming together and so I ask that you pray for Beauty for Ashes to come to life.

Just another day.

Today was a day at work that I was blessed to see how lucky I am. Not just for my daughters I have at home that I love and adore beyond words. But I received not 1 call today from an old resident but 2 calls today from old residents.
 This is not out of the ordinary as I have a few that call me to check in, or to talk because they have something going on. I honestly feel like these are MY kids and as far as I a concerned they are. So these two that called today and at different times are special and unique in there own way. The girl we will call "J" she has struggled a lot in life and not had the easiest life. I have had her several times at the juvenile center at she sometimes calls two times a week. Now at a residential treatment center way up north I think she doesn't have anyone to talk to. Sometimes she has something on her mind and sometimes she just wants to chat. Please pray that she find her value and her worth and know that she is loved by God. Pray that she see's the beauty God created in her and that he heal the pain from her past. She is a sweet girl.
The second kid that called is boy that I have had the opportunity to watch grown, literally. Over the past years he was my size and he is now 6'3 towering over me and yet he is still "lil ****". He was always my sidekick in helping with bulletin boards and help out with what he could. He has been gone at a residential placement for about 9 months and just started calling about 2 weeks ago. He is a great kid, smart and great personality and I am worried for him when he gets out of the center he is in because its going back to the community that he will struggle with. Pray that he is a STRONG leader and does whats right. Pray that he see's his God given talents and that he uses them.
I LOVE THESE KIDS!!

I am so thankful that I am able to work with the youth at church and I am praying about how I can do more with them and invest more with them. Hoping that I can go have lunch with some of the girls, have a sleepover sometime. I love that God put youth in my heart. LOVIN IT!

As many of you know I have been searching for a position where I can have better hours so that I may see my girls more but I MUST work with the youth in Benton Harbor. That is where God placed my heart that is where he has called me so I wont just leave for any job and I know that when it is the right position God will open the right door. Until then I know he wants me where he has me. So if you can keep that in your prayers. Also financially keep me in your prayers. Also I have a strong desire to foster a child and possibly adopt at some point but I do need different hours because I need to be able to be home. Please pray about this. (Of course I laugh and say good thing I never win the lotto because I would be the lady with like 10 kids/teens).

A vision that was born in my heart 20 years ago....

   I grew up with parents that were on the worship team. My dad played the drums and my mom sang and played the keyboard. My mom always played worship music in the house. So this may be where my love for worship began. Its when I feel the closest to God. Its when I hear him speak and I see the visions that he puts in my head. I will sing for hours and hours on end to be close to him. But really I can remember a time in worship when I was in middle school and we were on our fall retreat with Tree of Life and during worship we were singing the song "Open the eyes of my heart Lord, Open the eyes of my heart. I want to see you, I want to see you" During this song I remember stopping singing and I remember just taking it all in and with my hands lifted to the heavens I saw myself standing in front of a crowd of teens and I was speaking to them. I have never forgot that vision. For many years I didn't realize how important it was. I knew it was a vision that God placed in my heart but why? I mean who was I and what could I possibly say that was of any importance. But ya see God knows the paths that we will take. He knew I would fall of course for sometime and I would make some horrible choices that would have a huge impact on my life but he also knew how they could be used and he knew his plans for me. So as I continue down the path of life and now in the last year desire to make him the center of it all. I desire to live in his image and desire to raise daughters who love the Lord. To find a husband who shares the passions that I share and a man that love the Lord more than anything in his life. Its amazing the healing that goes on when you give it all to him. God is still working on me and I know he has big plans. I choose to be obedient to him. For his plans for my life are far greater than I could ever dream up or imagine.
  So I am beginning to see more of that vision that God placed in my heart many years ago.  Thank GOd for all he does and all he is doing, pray to him, read his word and sing to him praises and worship him. Its amazing how God speaks to us. Be open, don't set boundaries, open up and let him pour in and he will. When you do you cannot get enough you will desire more of him.

Just when I thought things couldn't get worse....

Being a single parent means living paycheck to paycheck. So you balance out your bills. Well I somehow thought my water was due on Friday... Perfect I get paid on Friday 160. But when I go to wash my hands water off and now thy want me to add 50 to have it turned on. I have no money sitting anywhere I live paycheck to paycheck and I now have no gas, no water and no cable ( which I could care less about the cable except I can't do school work). Thi has never happened to me. Hod the more I seek you and draw closer the more te devil attacks me. I woke up and said I am praying first and doing my devotional and that makes the devil angry. He wants to bring me down. THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!  My God is stronger, my God is my Rock, he will provide all my needs, he is my healer!

Did I really think that?

I can't believe that thought just ran through my head. I just got out of the hospital for a ruptured cyst on my ovary and was told I didn't get the new job Director of Young Life benton harbor and this was like a dream job. Serving "my kids" hours where I can see my girls more I can invest more into serving at church. How could this not be Gods plan for me? Then my phone rings from someone I have not spoken to in a long time. How did he get my number? It was my daughters father. He spoke to me in such a demeaning way, he put anxiety and fear over me and I was allowing this. I can't have heat until I can pay my gas bill, my cable is currently shut off because I can not afford it and therefor school work is not getting done and it just all added up. Then there it was the thought "I just wish I were dead".

I felt my world collapsing around me and yet I felt God really using me so much at this time in my life and I was on fire serve him and know him more. That feeling of I cannot get enough!!! Then all this. Why God? Then it dawned and me and although I didn't believe it in the moment I said I choose joy. The devil will not steal my joy. Our thoughts and words are so powerful so I wanted to speak pleasing things to God and let the devil know I know he is trying to destroy me and I will or allow it. My heart is taken and I was paid for with a price. But that doesn't mean it's easy. The devil comes to kill steal and destroy. Rest assure I am jot suicidal and I love life but in the moment everything seemed much and too much to handle but God quickly made his voice heard and reminded me that I don't have anything to fear and worry.