Goodbye 2011

Today is the last day of 2011 and although its just another day, and in reality they can all run together. It's a marking point, an end, its a wrap. While life is not perfect there is still UPS and downs things are looking up. I made big changes in 2011, I made changes that tells others I matter, I know my worth and I will not settle. Having two young daughters its important for me to live my life as an example. McKenzie and Kyleigh: You are more precious than gold or silver, you were made perfect from the size of your feet to th color of your eyes and your hair, to the shape and size of your body. You were made for a purpose. Know that you are so important and never settle for less than the best. Sometimes life will be difficult and things will get tough, but you will make it through, you will overcome and through it you will go strong. Live for God first, above all else. Remember that when it seems nobody is there he is. He has already written you letters for strength, comfort, peace and joy. He will guide you if you choose to listen. God blessed me with the most beautiful little girls, so smart, athletic and full of joy. I am filled with joy to have you both in my life, you make me want to do better, be better and live my dreams. YOU BOTH are truly a gift! Now as 2012 comes, this is our year!!! For me I am going back to school, I plan on taking a missions trip, enjoying life and enjoying friends and family. Living for a purpose the purpose God put me here for. 2012 I'm ready!!!!

2011 coming to an end...

So as the year ends I always begin to reflect back to whats happened over the year. 2011 was a difficult year, lots of changes were made but at the end I began to make changes, I took it into my hands, my happiness that is. But really as 2011 ends a chapter has ended and a new chapter has begun. I know what I want out of life, I don't want to settle for less. I know that God has big plans for my life and I know that he wants me to also have my hearts desires. So as I take life one day at a time, and move forward. I smile. Life has been good. I am happy with the way things are going. God first, my girls next and me. I don't want to ever fall into a pit where I forget my lifes Passion. I can get there. I hope to have true love, find someone to share in all of lifes UPS and downs, someone who can share in my life Passion. 2012 I am ready, I am excited and best thing is my new chapter has already began.

I NEED to do more....

So when I got on Facebook this morning I saw a post from a probation officer saying "praying for the students at Benton Harbor High". I read some comments down and it seewas a shooting in Benton Harbor. Immediately I felt a lump in my throat, and my heart dropped... I was so worried that this was one of my previous Juvenile Center Kids. Sad either way, but it reminded me of the reality of my kids. It made me desire to want to do more, I often want to do more these kids are a part of my heart. It just reminds me that my time with them is short but can have great impact, by letting them know they matter, they have purpose and when the time is suiting to tell them I am proud of them. Please pirate for the youth of Benton Harbor and pray for me that I will be given the right words, that they see God through me. Pray that God lead me where he needs me.

in the Mind of a child

So my 4 almost 5 year old went to church last weekend with my parents and my mom told me that on the way home she cried and said "I don't want to die" and how she didn't want her grnadma and her mommy to die. The next day she said to me "mommy are you gonna die?" I answered her someday but not food a long time, and when I die I will go to heaven because I believe in Jesus and I have asked him to live in my heart and my life. Kyleigh listened intently. I talked to her about heaven and about how Keys died on the cross for our sins, how we don't have to die how one day our body will die but we will go to Heaven. I then asked her if she would like to pray to ask God in her heart she said yes. So I said I will pray and you repeat me...

Dear Jesus, I know you are real, I know that you died on the cross for my sins so that I can have eternal life, I ask you now into my heart, into my life. Amen.

And word for word she repeated. I was a little choked up, and felt joy. Hours later McKenzie came home from school and Kyleigh said "In not gonna die, my body will but I'm going to Heaven, right mommy?... And I responded with a smile "that's right baby".

God our father gave his only son so that we may have eternal life forever.

John 3:16 For God loved the world so much that he gave one and only Son, so that everyone that believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.

Love them Like Jesus

We are all born with gifts God has given us and over the years I have liked to say that one of my gifts is my Passion for people, its that I see all people, those who are being persecuted by the law for things they have done, those are hurting. Many times when I see the hurt of others I don't sympathise with them I have empathy for them. I feel it tugging so hard at my heart. Well the bible teaches us in many places to Love our neighbor, to Love our enemy. But the Bible also teaches us that we should have open hearts and eyes for those who are hurting, and lonely.
In Galations 6:2 the bible says "Share each others burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. 3 If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are Not that important.

Also in Romans 15:2-3 We should help others do what is right and build them up in the Lord. For even Christ didn't live to please himself. As the scriptures say, " The insults of those who insult you, O God, have fallen on me."

1 Corinthians 9:19 Even though I am a free man with no master, I have become a slave to all people to bring many to Christ.

Galations 5:13 For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don't use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature . Instead use your freedom to serve one another in Love.

And so I work with the youth, a population of youth that is hurting, that is lonely and that is lost. My heart is with them. God has hand picked me and placed me their to share his love, to teach of his forgiveness. I pray for my youth today, that they may come to know Christ so that they can know that they too are made for a purpose, their life has meaning and a plan. They are loved beyond measure. I ask that as I end this blog that you to pray that God work through me each and every day. I also have a strong burning desire to go to India this year, I have been wanting to go for years but this year is my year and the desire is so strong its burning through me.

My mind is running and so I write.

My Journey in life has been nothing short of a poster child for Gods grace, mercy and forgiveness, his unfailing love. Most people don't know that as a 6 year old I was molested and raped by 2 teenage boys and their younger brother who was my age... For many of years I didn't ever tell a single soul in fact it wasn't till about 3 years ago maybe that I told someone, my mother for the first time. I carried guilt and shame. Throughout my teen years I felt insecure, ugly and unworthy to be loved by anyone, I went down a destructive path by dropping out of school in 11th grade moving out and the parties started. Drinking became a daily ritual, to the point of blackout. I can remember many times we had no food in our fridge we had hello shots beer vodka and OJ. I began to live a very premiscous life, at the time I thought it made me feel good, wanted, desired and loved. I eventually began dancing to make money and was a sex symbol to every man that laid his eyes on me. At the time I felt like this was all okay, I thought I was gaining confidence. It wasn't until years latest that I realized that because men looked at me as a sex object that is where I set myself worth. Through out this time I knew deep down I was destined to do more, new more and live a more fullfilling life, but how?? I had messed up to much. How could any man want me, I was used goods. How could God use me I was no example. But you see I AM NOT THAT GIRL, I am made perfect in his image, God makes all things beautiful. I know I deserve to be loved and sure there are days the devil whispers in my ear And I have to fight those thoughts of no worth. Gods Love is amazing and his word says he washes us white as snow. I would like to share this song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1spkhp41ig4&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Who would have thought...

So almost 4 years ago I entered into a relationship that at the time I saw a true, and good. Now almost four years later I realize looking back many things, one being I had blunders on in some aspects and two that I am not sure I was searching for the right thing. You know I was the single friend with two girls, at functions I was the odd one out. No significant other here. So let's go on a journey back... What I think lead me into the relationship was the idea of a "family" and the "perfect home" and the "it cars" and "family vacations" I mean is true love that important, is finding someone who treasures you and adored you that special. Can you really find someone who shares the joy in your Passion.... So to make a long story short throughout the years I am sure it will come as no suprsie to you that the relationship began to fall apart... Or maybe it never really came together. So a little over a year ago I began to pray to God "Dear God please help, either mend our hearts together or God slowly detach my heart and make it easy for me to leave." Totally expecting God to mend our hearts this September there I was ready to move on, not sad about it but ready. Now I would be lying if I said I didn't go through heartbreak, you see I did, it was for the last year, while in the home. Although my heart was breaking I was still in the home, and as my heart broke and I grew away I felt healing. So this September moving out was the happiest time of my life. I felt like I started to get me back I found who I was and I was ready to live and embark on that. So here I am living life and it may not look picture pwerfect to many but it feels great to me.