So I have been looking into this job at the juvenile center and well they would love to have me there but I am one credit short. Can you beleive it one credit short. At first I almost let it get me down and then I realized how far I have come.
You see I dropped out of school when I was 17 and moved in with some friends, slowly started drinking and going to parties and then throwing parties and before you know it we were drinking when we woke up in the morning until we went to sleep at night. All we could think about is more money, more parties...! Well needless to say we all had our falling out so I moved in with my friend Jassica and it was then that her I decided we would could find a local gentlemans club to cocktail waitress at. We were hired on the spot and given our Hot pink leotards and black mini skirts (classy huh?!) I remember it being really weird and uncomfortable at first akward seeing naked girls everywhere, but then as the first week went by I waws seeing how much money they were making and how little work they seemed to be doing. I had the managers in my ears saying "Your so pretty you should dance" along with customers and even the girls who dance. " Your beautiful, fo you know how much money you can make." WOW this was new to me, I never felt pretty, or sexy and I was feeding on these comments. At the time they seemed like there were building my confidence and infact that is how I justified what I was doing. I would say I am sure Gods okay with it cause I am beginning to love myself, I feel pretty for once. WEll.... it wasnt until after an abusive relationship both physical and emotional that I realized it didnt give me confidence it was setting my self worth. It was later in life I would come to see that I had been very premiscuous because I felt that is all I was good for and thats all guys wanted, I was a pretty girl, with a rockin body. I set my self worth there. So this job I thought was builing me up was doing none other than tearing me down. There were no boundaires set, because I was not worth it and I usually had sex very early on in the relationship because "Thats what I was good for". So throughout my messy life I ended up back in MIchigan and it was through the encouragement of my cousin Brooke that I go back to school and so I went to the college and I tested out of some things (never finishing high school) and I went to college so here 2 years later and I have 29 credits with a full time semester ahead of me. I am sooo proud of me, so I wasnt even upset when they said, I needed 1 more credit I was proud and anxious to finish. I have accomplished something that has and is giving me confidence, confidence that is positve. Its funny how when we put our mind to something amazing things can happen!
No comments:
Post a Comment