The bathroom Door closes....

and its like my alarm clock, yet I lie in bed and wait to hear which one of the girls will be up first. They wake up cartoons come on, its time for breakfast and changing Kyelighs diaper. It's the same today as yesterday no plans nothing to do, so broke, stressed, and feeling unappreciated from my family. I go about the morning getting McKenzie ready for school sending her off and then its time for Kyelighs nap. Ahh I have a couple hours to myself so I clean up the house and that only takes about an hour cause thats all I have to do is clean house, make meals. Its this daily routine that I am so bored with, I feel like I am loosing my mind, at breaking point in tears cause I need to feel significant, and yet I dont. I was not made to be a stay at home mother. Its drivingme bonkers I need to keep my mind busy and I need to stay busy, and keep listening to the noise because when it's silent, my hurts sneak up on me, I am reminded of all that is bad in the world today I am annoyed with where I am in life and yet what I long for the most is peace. Because although nothing is going on around me and I can hear the clock.. TICK * TOCK * TICK * TOCK, I am exploding inside with anger and hurt. Stuff I thought was long gone but maybe it was just tucked away and pushed to the side. and then Kyeligh awakes from her nap and McKenzie comes home from school and I begin to start dinner because its all I have to do. It's the worst part of day for me because I am stressed and all the screaming that was going on inside of me is now part of the noise in my home and its just tooo much to handle.... ahh how I long for bedtime for peace until that time arrives and the head starts spinning and thoughts go racing until I finnaly fall asleep and then THe bathroom door closes!