I am really excited I just found out more info on the womens retreat at my church. Last year was a blast...wait two years ago...becuase last year there was not one anyhow. Funny how that week played out for me. I had went to the womens retreat and was telling my aunt and couzin and friend how I was making life changes and I was going to stop having sex out of wedlock and that I was going to end a relationship that was headed anywhere but up. Had a GREAT weekend but MAJOR heartburn. Well it was not until I got back and we were having a candle light vigil for my uncle and I realized the month was well about over and my lady stuff had not came and visited me... and then it dawned on me, I never had heart burn except when I was pregnant with McKenzie. So I took a test at my couzins house and sure enough....PREGNANT. To make matters worse I drive over to tell Tim and to my amazement he had his ex girlfriend at his house. My heart broke... he treated me like crap and then we reconciled. Now here I am about two years later and well he has not seen his daughter since July 2007. My heart is so broken and not for me but my daughter. I am trying to learn how to heal these wounds but it seems so much harder than any wounds I have ever had. It brings so much more insight on what God did ...Gave his son and watched him beaten brutally and yet I am having the hardest time dealing with the idea that my daughter is going to grow up 10 miles from her father and he wants nothing to do with her. Saying all of that Tim has MS and recently was admitted into the hospital because he cannot feel his legs. He has been paralized from the nexk down before. When I hear the news my heart breaks for him...I worry about how he must be feeling and I am not really sure why I am feeling this way??? In fact some of my friends have said "good" or "he deserves it" and "what goes around comes around" ...but this is not what I want. I just want my daughter to have a father who loves her and cherishes her. Keep him in your prayers.
Sometimes I just dont know how to heal the wounds.... .Do they ever really go away? I dont know but I do know that although my heart is so broken I find peace when I just turn to him. What does that look like???? For me, putting in my worship cd and somtimes singing, somtimes crying and sometimes praying.
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