My journey has not ended!

So I have a very select few that think that I have ended my Journey with Christ or put it on hold, when infact I have begun to dig deeper. I have not made it to church every Sunday and have not been involved in all I can but I have have taken time to See Christ through McKenzies eyes and Kyelighs eyes, I have taken time to see Christ through my own eyes and form my own picture. Althoug hat times its nice to talk with others and hear their stories face to face, or go to church to hear the pastors preachings, I have found that I need time to let my heart lead where I need.
Healing in places that I just had bandaids on that still hurt when they were removed, to find ME, know ME, Understand ME, and not what others wanted me to be. I was in this class at my church, a boundaries class and was a facilitator in the 1st half and well in the 2nd too but I just learned so much about me. Stuff that some people would find to be samll and silly but stuff that was really running my life. Stuff I still am working on. Let me paint the picture of me...

Waking up in the morning to find the right outfit and to put on my makeup and fix my hair so that I appear to have it together. I must pick up and drop off my daughter at school and be the first in line to pick her up, volunteer to help with all school activites and make sure she is involved in all activites. Make homeade dishes for all family functions, keep my house tip top clean everyday, dinner ready by 5:30 everyday. My kids must be ket together everyday. Everything has its place its spot and I must always be early never late.
It just started to get really tiring and it still is at times beacause I have let it takeover at times still. I hate to label but really I will always have to make a effort at realizing I am not perfect yet can I be perfect but I am perfect in Christs eyes. You know they tell you at Alcoholics Anonymos that you are alwasy an Alcoholic... you just know how long you have been sober. Well I am Perfectionist (ha ha) struggling at being perfect but really never there. God is teaching me that I AM NOT in control but yet HE is!!! Because you see that is what it all boils down to.... I feel like those are the things I can control and in someone who has been torn apart, chewed on and spit out you seek for control, and in the end you find yourself tired, taken down, stomped on by none other than yourself. I am on my journey and God is right by my side leading the way, listening to my cries, hearing my joys. Helping me find Miki!