Previous Posts

I have been blogging for sometime on my myspace and prior to that my xanga. However to readmy blogs, you had to be a member. I have decided to create a blogspace. So here it is, I am going to begin by sharing some old blogs. so here it is, this is me.



Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Forgiveness... Current mood: inspired
You know I like many have lived my life thinking that forgiveness was for the person I was forgiving so that they could go on in life so that they could be let free. I have found through out the years and I am still finding that forgiveness is for ME or for self. If we dont forgive we harbor anger and sadness and hold grudges and we feel those pains and those feelings. For instance I have been very hurt and mad at both of my daughters fathers because they show either no or little interest in their daughters. I have thought about revenge (NO I dont mean anything I would do). I would pray God punish them for what they have done. Forgivenssbegins when you realize those prayers are to change your heart and your hurts and to heal you, also when those prayers are that they may find Christ and that they will change so that one day they can be fathers to their daughters. For those of you who do not know, Kyleighs dad has MS and I saw it as a way he was going to get back what he had done to me and other women he has hurt and his daughters, infact I was praying that God would make it come faster. Now my prayers are that he finds God again and changes his ways and becomes a good dad and that if he doesnt that I raise a daughter with so much love from God OUR FATHER that when he is no longer capable of moving and constrained to his bed or in the hospital that she will be loving and caring and be by his side when he needs her despite the fact that he was not around. That my heart be changed so that I will lovingly be the one to drive her back and forth and take my part. I now see that as my prayers have changed my heart is changing. NO I am not automatically happy about the situation and not that I dont have hurts but that I am in the process of forgiving him and through that it is healing my broken heart. So while I thought he was the one with all the problems (dont get me wrong I am sure he has some), I too had my own issues. I know how easy it is to say and how you may be at the point in your life where you think there is NO WAY you can forgive but trust me you can, and for the sake of yourself you should.
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Friday, January 25, 2008
Chick Flick Ladies
So I went with my Couzin Brooke and my one of my Best friends Steph to see 27 dresses. It was such a cute movie and I recomend every girl go to see it and guys want to make your ladies happy take them. There are so many chick flicks coming out right now like the PS I LOVE YOU, I want to see that one and then that one with Kate Hudson and Matthew Mcc (sp??? I better learn since that will be my last name one day. LOL) anyways I love chick flicks and why?? Cause they give hope and put a smile on your face. That is why women love them. People love things that show hope and show love. Its a proven fact that people want things that encourage the idea that dreams come true... why do you think that American Idol is the biggest hit show. People like to see normal people like them do good. Very few people want to see and hear about all the hate.
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Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Our Broken World
We are living in a world that seems to be so broken and it very evident every time you turn on your tv. With the stories of addiction from Lindsey Lohan and Nicole Richie to Paris Hilton with lives that are slowly dying away from lonliness and they feel great despair. Just look at the cries of Brittney Spears and even if she doesnt realize it they are screams of help. I was watching a new television show at home that is called celebrity rehab and most of the stories from these celebrities was those of loss and lonliness that led them to addiction. With the death of Anna Nicole and her son and now the recent death Heath Ledger we can begin to see that, one- they are just like the rest of us and two- that money and fame does not fill any void. It wont grant you happiness and it wont take away the lonliness. Okay I can hear some people thinking it... so regular people deal with this stuff. yeah your right and what do most people think? If I only had more money, If everyone loved me, If I was an american icon I would be happy. But the answer is no that you would not. In fact I think at times it may be harder on these celebrities because they dont know who to turn to and who to trust they can buy anything they want and then they realize they are still not happy. So then what?? What can they turn to???
So here is the first time I am going to be blunt on here. There is one person you can always count on who is always there to listen and doesnt care where you have been and what you have done. Nothing you have done could ever make his love for you any less. That is God and sometimes if you have not decided that you beleive or that you want to live your life following his plan. Or you may think that you have to make all these changes and to be honest you dont want to, because it will be hard and it will be a change and you realize that there are things in your life that are "toxic" but you enjoy those things now. Guess what I have a secret its okay. You can decide to make that choice to follow him right now, who you are where your at. He will meet you where you are. Dont worry about changing who you are but just see what he can do for you. Sure life will still be hard. There is this great website that does daily devotionals. In your search engine just type in Purpose Driven Life Daily Devotionals. You can set it up to come to your email daily and they are short. If you enjoy reading my blogs you will love reading these devotionals.
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Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Thanks
So many time I find myself praying and saying "God I am not sure how in the world I am going to make rent next month but I know you have that taken care of". I am giving thanks to God and relying on my faith. It's like I metioned in the last blog, it is thanking him not only for what he has done but what he is doing and what he is going to do. Somtimes we have no clue how "that bill" is going to be taken care of but if we sit and worry about it are we having faith that God is in control no. So begin to thank him for what he is going to do and you may find at first you dont really know if it will be, but hey what can it hurt to try. You will begin to see remarkable changes you will begin to see how your prayers are answered (and god always kneweverything would be okay it was you doubting). It becomes routine and you realize that he does answer our prayers and that it is really out of our hands. Your prayer then becomes so authentic. Really I mean how else could I manage... I mean if it was not for the help from God. I am a single mother and with a pay wage close to minimum. With only one of my daughters fathers paying child support. It's with his help. So I give thanks even when I have no clue how it will be done. But the worry is not mine cause he says to cast your burdens on him. So I give Thanks for all he does and is doing.
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Monday, January 21, 2008
In the silent darkness....
I have had so many friends as well as myself go through such tough times in our life not just mentally and emotionally but finacially and physically. I hear my friends say what I myself was wondering "God, why do you let me fall so hard? Why cant life just be easier?" Well have you ever been at your witts ends, at the end of your rope so lonely that you wanted to die and so stressed that you did not think that you would ever make it out of the rut you are in. Like myself my friends would really see God's light and hear him more clear than ever. Its that silent voice that you dont take the time in your crazy life to hear so when everything else around you seems to be failing you cry out..."God I need you now more than ever" sometimes it's in such despair that we wait we listen and then we hear his word. We are reminded that even though we will walk through the valley of the shadow of death he is there. He is always there! So its in the silent darkness that his light shines ever so bright and his word is more heard than ever. I know for myself it is something that I am learning to do routinly, to listen to God to speak to him always not only when I am at my depths of despair. It's learning to thank God for what he has done and what he is doing. Its thanking him for the blessings he has in store that you have no idea about. Dont wait for those moments of despair make it your daily routine to turn to him.
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Saturday, January 19, 2008
Janurary 19th 2008 Current mood: thankful
Just sitting at home, enjoying the time off from working. Life is going pretty good and I have pretty high spirits consideing the events that have taken on through out the last year. I guess that is what happens when you doing life the way God intended you to. Of course you will have trials, and as cliche as it sounds. What does not kill you will only make you stronger. The girls and I went to get our pictures taken yesterday and they turned out really great. Kyleigh, my serious daughter did not want to crack a smile. She is so serious around people other than myself and McKenzie and my mom. But she says so many words and the doctor says she is extremely advanced. Like this morning McKenzie was coloring with her and McKenzie said Circle and Kyleigh said "Circle" and she says, Kenzie and Mama and Baby and Bottle and Night Nigh and BU Bye and up an down and Hi and so many other words. McKenzie is reading and I dont think she even realizes it. She is such a mini mommy to Kyleigh and is a wonderful big sister. God has big plans for my life and I think that you will all begin to see them through out this next year. I am really wanting to write a book, however I am just in the prayer stage of how God wants me to write it. We will see. Anyways, I really am wanting to make trip down to Texas this year I miss it there so much the food and place to go, my friends. THE WEATHER! All though right now it is beautiful here with the snow, and exciting!!! I am so blessed with wonderful family and I am not just talking about daughters and my parents and sisters, but granparents, aunts and uncles and couzins!!!!! I have so many great friends and a handful of amazing best friends and I just want to say THANKS!
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Saturday, January 12, 2008
Storm, aftermath .... then comes cleanup!
When the storm comes aftermath is sure to follow and then cleanup. I a in the cleanup stage and because the storm came and my house was built on rock cleanup comes pretty easy. Sometimes I think that many people see the storm and the aftermath and they thing that the mess is too big to cleanup.The truth is that there is no mess to big for God. Sometimes we just figure that the mess has been made and there is no way and be cleaned up. The truth is that storm comes and in that moment we feel like the world is crashing kind of like a tornando, have you ever gone through a town that has had a disaster? After the commnity comes together they work together to cleanup the aftermath. While the community cleans up sure there is still evidence that a disaster has striked but now, the community shows love and togetherness like no other. There is healing and the community is "made new". In our lives we have the same opportunity to be "made new" after our own mistakes, our lifes disasters. In the Bible it states that we are to remain in sexual purity until we marry. I never quite understood why and never obeyed it. Its not until now that I know why this rule of remaining sexually abstenent (sp?) is in place. Throughout my storm (disobediance from God) something beautiful came, my two beautiful daughters, they were the quick aftermath results of the storm but the longer term aftermath, the hurt and pain remained for a long time. However I have chosen to start over to be "made new" I have decided to ask for forgivness and remain abstinent until marriage. I have been made new and sure there will still be areas of my life that I need to clean up, but thats what happens when the storm is over.
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Thursday, January 10, 2008
Free at last and washing my hands clean!!! Current mood: pure
Has there ever been someone or somthing that just seemed to tear you down and when you were down they stomped on you. You know what makes a person tear someone down and always find things and nit pick at you until they have you down on the ground, insecure people and people very starved for attention. I have been debating leaving my job for some time now because my boss has said so many things to me that have torn my spirit down, had me questioning the kind of worker I was and made me dread mon-fri. However not any longer!!! I have worked at several places in my life and at the majority of them I have been promoted to assistant manager of manager, I have always given over a hundred percent and I can honestly say that everyone of my previous managers would have nothing but good to say and would hire me back in an instant. Okay so I am going off subject... I had told her this past wednesday, after she approached me in a rude way, that I was going to be leaving MITO CORP and the reason being was her (that is summing it up cause a lot more was said.) Anyways my plan was then to write a long lenthy letter to explain to our vice president and our human resources manager what she does and how far work it is. However I wont, I wont stoop to her level I will write her a letter explaining how she has made me feel and why I am leaving but that I forgive her. She was someone who was a friend prior to this and someone who goes to my church. I recall her saying in the beginning though, that she keeps the two seperate; friendship and work. Let me remind some and tell others.... I always thought this way to but the more I grow closer to Christ the more I realize that they are not seperate and that in everything we do we should look to God and that it is one life that we live not seperate lives. We need to live our lives in Christs image across the board, not just when we are at church or with our church friends. When you decide that you want to follow Christ and live for him you are to surrender to him compltely and and surrendering is not just giving parts of your life and saying..... okay God here you can be in my home life and my church life but when it comes to work and friends, I think I will keep that to myself . NO surrender is giving your all, everypart , even the parts that you dont want to give. So because now I must be obediant to God and what I am suppose to do and let it go be free and wash my hand clean, because I have surrendered and not to my boss but to God. No its not easy, but it was never said that it would be.
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